i moved out of my house today. i start a new job on monday.
jamming with new drummer on tuesday.
hopefully things are changing for the better not that things were terrible or anything, they just werent as good as they could be.

all i want to do is eat grapes and watch twin peaks all weekend but i have things to do and people to see... one day, ill stay in for an entire weekend, uhuh.

mai is going to brisbane today. im a little anxious. i have been apart from her before but not in melbourne. im sure ill be just fine, im just being silly. its not like im going to be alone anyways, i have lots of people to keep me company and a little time alone will do me some good.

i hate one of my housemates, we used to be friends and now she is always so grumpy and mean. just because she is unhappy doesnt mean she can take it out on everyone else. i feel sorry for her though. i hope we can be friends after i move out...

i hate my work. this one lady is really mean. im so sick of lawyers. im going to ask mummy about getting a job at hers, i think i prefer peds over solicitors.

SOMEDAY, I HOPE THAT I FEEL HEALTHY. IM SO TIRED OF FEELING ILL.

in other words, im always sick and now im feeling especially run down.
i need a break. i need a detox. i need lots of sleep.

sometimes, like when your hungover and feel like an idiot and that no one could possibly want to be your friend, you remember something like that time you were crying over some deadshit dude who made you feel inadequate and ugly and your friend calls you up after you sent her a message telling her what happened and even though she is really tired and wasted and at home after partying she invites you over because she knows you cant sleep and comforts you and then asks you to stay in her bed because she knows you dont want to be alone. Its makes you feel a little better about things.

i like day dreaming and thinking about things that happened ages ago, like when i used to live in spring hill and emma and i would make roast vegetables and watch trashy dvds because we were both lonely and sick of everyone. Or when poppy killed all those mice and matt and i buried them in the park across from my street. Or last summer when james d and mai and i spent saturdays cleaning and drinking beers

lately, the whole gossip/twin business is getting really irritating. i cant even begin to think of how many times ive been asked 'is that your real voice'... how many people do you know actually put on fake voices, like i can be bothered and why the hell would i pick this one? i would put on one of those yuppie/st kilda/thirty year old art gallery owner voices or classic fm voices, so soothing and calm..... not a voice that sounds like some annoying girl in year ten. its cool being a twin and people being fascinated by it but im getting really sick of it, i want to be able to go to places and no one to pay attention to me. when people meet me they always ask me lots of questions. moving away from brisbane has helped alot but melbourne is begining to feel quite small......... everyone knows everyone and im sick of people already knowing who i am before i meet them. the whole "ah, your one of the twins, ive heard about you" give a girl a break already.

currently obsessed with fleetwood mac, y pants and au pairs.... this party business is taking its toll on me. i feel like im 50.

this year is already going so quickly. so much stuff happening. i wish i could spend a night where i didnt have to do anything and could just read and sleep. i guess i did enough of that when i was living in brisbane and this is what i wanted. fun/interesting/rad things to do.

acid casualty played our first show on saturday at summer winds.
the kids loved it.

ive been riding my bike so much that my legs are constantly a bit sore.
intense.

this year is going to be the year of doing things, being productive etc.
new years eve was fun. i liked riding bikes across town to parties where you dance to 50s rocknroll with your favourites.
this summer is going to be fun! playing music, hanging out in the kiddy pool, listening to tunes etc. i really really need bike! i cant seem to find one that i like or want or something. so indecisive!

im so glad to be home. brisbane was intense and scary. im glad i dont live there anymore. i know that i've had it really easy in melbourne because i already had such a solid crew down here and it wasnt too scary or lonely. i love melbourne! its rad!

i know this year is going to be heaps better than last year. it was so beige and borrring..

I'VE BEEN HERE FOR 3 DAYS AND ALREADY EVERYONE IS TRYING TO INVOLVE ME IN ALL THE BRISBANE BOREDOM INDUCED BULLSHIT. I DONT LIVE HERE ANYMORE AND I DONT CARE. PLEASE LEAVE ME OUT OF IT. IM TOO OLD FOR THIS BULLSHIT.

so this year is nearly over. its been a very strange but slightly wonderful year.
i'm growing up. no longer so self-destructive, prioritising my time (hanging out with creeps less and friends more) and feeling okay.

i really wanted to be alone this year because i never really have, i either lived with mai until i was 18 and when i wasnt spending time with mai i was spending time with boyfriends and stuff. this year i spent a couple of months with my twin and single. it was really scary but i think i know how singular people feel now and it isnt so strange.

i was riding down my street on sunday afternoon to band practice after a morning spent making scrambled tofu for two friends and cleaning. it was amazing and i felt really really happy. happier than i have been in a long time. melbourne and i go well together. like mushrooms and basil.

i'm looking forward to summer. we're going to get a blow up pool and drink cocktails and wear vintage swimmers and giggle hysterically while listening to beat happening. i dont really want to go to brisbane but im looking forward to seeing some of my favourite people. i hope im different.

a little under 2 weeks left in brispain. im trying to see everyone before i go. organise things. the past month has been one of the best months ive had in a long time...

i cant wait!

I KEEP ON CHEWING ON SIDE OF MY BOTTOM LIP. NOW ITS ALL SWOLLEN BUT I CANT SEEM TO STOP.

NOT LONG TO GO NOW.

HANGING OUT WITH OLD CREW IS TERRIBLY REFRESHING.

I CANT WAIT TO LEAVE THIS PLACE.

everything is moving so fast. im trying to sort everything out before i leave. i want to have a clean start and not have to worry about anything. im trying to get it right.

when i come back to brisbane in december. i want to come back with a smile.

2AM THIS MORNING NATALIE WOKE ME UP AND SAID "LEI, YOU'VE GOT TO COME OUTSIDE. SOMEONE CRASHED INTO YOUR CAR." I WAS ALL SLEEPY BUT I PUT ON SLIPPERS AND FOLLOWED HER OUTSIDE.

THERE WAS A POLICE CAR AND NEIGHBOURS STANDING OUTSIDE THE HOUSE. I LOOKED AND MY CAR HAD BEEN PUSHED A FEW METRES BACK INTO EMMA (JOHN THE NEIGHBOUR'S DAUGHTER)'S CAR, HER CAR HAD PUSHED INTO HIS. MY CAR WAS WEDGED BETWEEN A TAXI AND EMMA'S CAR.

A MAN ASSAULTED A TAXI DRIVER AND STOLE THE TAXI. HE THEN CRASHED THE TAXI INTO MY CAR AND RAN AWAY ON FOOT. THE POLICE CAUGHT HIM.

CAN MY LIFE GET ANY STRANGER?

I'D LIKE TO WAKE UP FROM THIS PARALLEL UNIVERSE, NOW PLEASE.

ps. we are having a dinner party tonight and i am making veggie roast and roast veggies and gravy and mai is making cous cous salad and bruchetta and chloe is making some dessert and kate is making a soy ice cream layer cake...
tomorrow i am making vegan choc chip cookies and cupcakes for our picnic. we are starting the farewell celebrations... im excited about our party!

i had a really strange weekend.

i came to alot of conclusions about things. things need to change. i need to change. i need to stop hanging out with certain people. its self destructive.

mai is leaving very soon and i'm going to be sad even though its only a couple of weeks until ill be down in melbourne too.

this weekend, i just want to watch howls moving castle, cook a feast for my favourites and have a relaxing picnic on saturday afternoon...

i woke up with serious bruises on left arm. i may have broken it. according to laura it was most probably bike related.

i made new friends last night. they were nice. i played tamborine w fletchers band and now i have a cut on my right hand.

is it the weekend yet?

i dont feel very well.

I WAS SO GOOD THIS WEEK UNTIL LAST NIGHT. STAYING UP LATE AND DRINKING A BOTTLE OF VODKA WAS A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME. NOW I AM EXHAUSTED AND JUST WANT TO SLEEP BUT I KNOW I HAVE TOO MUCH ON TONIGHT TO SLEEP AT ALL.

COPPERS AT LUNCH DOES HELP BUT.....

FRYDAY... ALL I WANT IS SCRAMBLED TOFU AND MUSHROOMS.........

I HAVE LESS THEN TWO MONTHS TIL MELBOURNE. IM GETTING NERVOUS AND EXCITED.....


I CANT WAIT...

I JUST READ THROUGH SOME OF MY OLD ENTRIES AND I REALISE I HAVE SPENT ALOT OF TIME SICK. ACTUALLY I THINK IM SICK ALL THE TIME.

ITS OKAY! IM RECOVERING FROM A CHEST INFECTION AND NOW I FEEL ALMOST HEALTHY. HOPEFUL YES?

I HAVENT LOGGED INTO HERE FOR SOOOO LONG. I FORGOT MY PASSWORD.

SINCE THE LAST TIME I POSTED LIFE HAS CHANGED. SOME AMAZING THINGS HAPPENED AND SOME NOT QUITE AMAZING.

THIS SUNDAY SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED AND NOW IM HAVING TROUBLE GETTING UP IN THE MORNING AND IM EATING CONSTANTLY AND THIS MAKES ME SAD BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO GAIN WEIGHT. IF ANYTHING I WANT TO BE 5 KILOS LIGHTER FOR MELBOURNE BECAUSE EVERYONE THERE IS BETTER THAN BRISBANE PEOPLE AND THEREFORE I WANT THEM TO LIKE ME AND NO ONE LIKES FAT GIRLS. PLUS THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE WHO GO TO OP SHOPS THAT ONLY THE WEIRD SIZES LIKE OBNORMALLY SMALL OR LARGE THINGS ARE LEFT. IM AN AVERAGE SIZE SO THERE IS NEVER ANYTHING THAT FITS ME.

I AM LEAVING AT THE END OF AUGUST. RORY AND I ARE GOING TO FLY DOWN TOGETHER AND DRINK VODKA ON THE PLANE. THEN LAND AND DUMP OUR STUFF OFF AT OUR RESPECTIVE TEMPORARY HOUSES AND THEN HIT THE NIGHTLIFE. THE NEXT DAY WE SWEAR WE SHALL LOOK FOR A HOUSE AND JOBS.

IM GOING TO WORK AND SETTLE IN AND MAKE NEW FRIENDS AND BECOME A NEW ME. THEN I SHALL GO TO UNIVERSITY AND GET AMAZING GRADES AND HAVE DINNER PARTIES AND DATE A BEAUTIFUL BOY WHO THINKS IM AMAZING. ILL RIDE MY BIKE AROUND THE STREETS WITH MY FRIENDS AND EAT ONLY ORGANIC VEGETABLES (NO MORE DIET COKE AND GUM OR PRETZELS OR SOY CHOCOLATE). MY NEW BAND WILL BE AMAZING AND WE WILL PLAY WITH MY DISCO AND KES EVERY WEEKEND AND ANTONIA FROM LOD WILL THINK OF ME AS A LITTLE SISTER.

BRISBANE IS TERRIBLE. I WONT MISS IT AT ALL BUT I MIGHT MISS SOME OF THE PEOPLE AND ONLY LIKE 5 OR 6 OR 8 BECAUSE THATS MY FAVOURITE NUMBER.

PS. YOU DISAPPOINTED ME. ILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU. EVER.

my christmas was pretty good. we woke up early and james & mai & i exchanged gifts. i got a battles tix, seventies swimming trunks, an esg cd, this weird childrens plate and then mai & i made sweet breakfast for the windsor castle crew. it included vegie sausgages, tomato, onion, eggplant, capsicum, hot rolls, crossiants (not for me silly!), coffee and yummy juice. it was very filling. then the sisters exchanged gifts and i had a little nanna nap on the couch. we then went to daddys where there was even more food. we had this yummy vegie roast and giant mushrooms and squash and salad and vegie sausages and i ate a very large amount of kalamata olives and soy cheese. we had fruit salad soy icecream and elle made coconut icecream that is vegan too. it was amazing. i got some sweet gifts and then we went back to windsor for naps.

nia and jens housemas was pretty fun. but i ate too much during the day and vomitted before we left to go to nias. i felt a bit better at the party and drank a bit but it didnt agree and i vomitted again. other than the vomiting. my christmas was terribly fun. i cant wait for new years. i dont know what im going to do but i will have pills and sweet sweet peeps.